The Inner Game of the Job Search

Welcome to The Inner Game of the Job Search – I hope this find you well.  This Blog is here to help you navigate the Inner Road traveled as you seek a new career path.  Many people travel this road alone and it is my hope that this space offers you some support, encouragement and practical ideas to further expand your concept of career and work to think in terms of purpose and meaning.  I am a firm believer that you don’t have to like what you do – instead you should love what you do.

Enjoy.

Spare Time & Spare Change

I had recently left my firm, of 12 years, to start a new business from scratch.  I had helped found and grow my former company to become one of the larger boutique executive search firms in the country – an accomplish that I am quite proud of but nonetheless, I chose to leave; embracing change.  Unlike so many others; I left my place of stable employment by choice in a market frought with an endless list of adjectives meaning not stable.  Although this came as a big surprise to those who knew me; it was less startling to those who knew me best.  I left my firm becasue I wanted to live differently – I have already experienced what it is like to rise early, work late, travel the country chasing business, getting meetings,  overcoming adversity, levergaing my assets, parking in my own parking space, etc…

The world has changed and frankly, I am encouraged that it has – people spend decades going through the motions without question, blending days into weeks into months into years…Let’s face it, time does fly and there ain’t no stopping it.  So we can not spend time – we can not save time, we can not waste time, we can not manage time - we can only choose to enjoy or not enjoy the time we have.   So what is the big deal about time anyways?  We all have this exact same moment, right now – it’s about how we choose to think, feel and behave in this moment that is unique and impacts the next moment.

So, I encourage you to ask yourself (whether you are ready for change or if change has been thrust upon you) – how do I want to live my life?  How do I want my days to unfold?  How can I capture and release this moment? Our subconscious mind never stops answering the questions we ask; no matter if we ask them aloud or quietly.  So, if you are asking yourself, “How can this have happened to me?”  “Why can’t things just work out?” – consciously we think these are simply rhetroical questions however our subconscious mind continues to seek out evidence and more experiences to answer your question.  I often remind a candidate heading into an interview that we are assessed as much by the questions we ask, as we are by our answers.

First, become aware of the questions that you are asking yourself – write them down to help determine what might be swirling around inside of your mind, just beneath the surface.  Then make a strong decision to ask yourself better questions and write them out as well.  The very process of writing, helps to crystalize our thinking – it creates a clearer thought process and offers insight as to the limiting beliefs that continue to hold us back.  As you ask yourself better questions – you come up with better answers and your life starts responding to these better answers.  You develop better solutions and you take action towards these better solutions – which leads to better options.

No matter what metaphor, cliche or analogy that we use to frame our understanding of Time – we all have it.  It is common and endless – it’s neither yours or mine – it moves with or without our consent. So the question is, What time is it?  And the answer remains; now.

What is Your Super Bowl?

Well, being from Pittsburgh, PA, I am obviously a huge Steeler fan which isn’t too unique, quite frankly.  However, I have deeply enjoyed this current Super Bowl run and still savor the thrill of James Harrison’s pick six and Santonio’s beatiful toe tapper in the End Zone…. I watched like a kid all of the post-game festivities, interviews, tears and thanks that the players and coaches seemed to so authenticly announce to the camera.  As Monday morning came along, I was still tuned in – truly happy for these players that I had rooted for for years and I imagined what that must feel like the day after, knowing you have achieved the very thing that you had set out to achieve, on such a huge stage in such dramatic fashion.  It has got to feel pretty good, huh?

This started a line of thinking within myself…what would be my Super Bowl win?  How could I experience that feeling?   I mean, if I could accomplish anything that I really set my mind to…what would it be?  Now, I have set goals and achieved them before – I have accomplished a few things in my life that I am quite proud of – I am actually quite pleased with who I am and where I stand today.  Nonetheless, what would be my Super Bowl – that crowning achievement that would linger within me for a lifetime.  The question alone make us think Big, really BIG.  It takes us out of the month to month routine – it forces us to think beyond what we want or need….Because although I enjoy watching other people succeed and achieve those magical moments found in a Super Bowl or American Idol.  I am fairly certain that I couldn’t achieve those moments myself.  And so, if I want more than watching other people enjoy thier moments, how do I create my own grand victory?  Granted, it might not involve confetti and millions of people watching me but still – it’s the feeling we’re after, not the audience.  We often completely over estimate what we can accomplish in one year and completely under estimate what we can accomplish in five years – largely because we are so caught up in our month to month mentality.

So today – give yourself 30 minutes to make your Super Bowl list.  What would give you that incredible feeling of hoisting the Lombardi trophy in the air and deep inside, all you can think is, “I did it – I did it”.   And as you wake up the next morning, the first thought that comes to mind is, “I did it”.  Because I have read (and I believe this to be true) that if I am capable of wanting something to happen and I can vividly imagine it happening;  then I am capable of achieving whatever I believe that I can do…Allow yourself to dream big and believe big and ask yourself, “what is my Super Bowl?!”

Here we go!

The Ghost of Christmas Present

I was able to recently watch a local theatre company do their rendition of a Christmas Carol – by far, it has to be my favorite story line (although Scrooged with Bill Murray is my favorite version).  Nonetheless, Old Scrooge experiences a true transformation from an unhappy, miserly, unloving shell of a man into an inspired, awaken and enlightened human who suddenly sees the value in loving and caring for his fellow man.  As you breakdown Eb’s transition from denial to acceptance to embracing his new paradigm of Life, I realized that we do not have to wait for Christmas Eve or a Spiritual intervention to become who we have always wanted to be and frankly, who we were always meant to be.

Here is what I learned from Ebeneezer’s night of enlightenment:

1. He objectively visited his past – not from a judgemental frame of mind but with a kind and caring guide who simply makes him view his life from a perspective of hopes and dreams.  Like too many, his younger hopes and dreams have never manifested and he was quick to dismiss this visit and maintained his curmudgeonly exterior – accepting that he had some regrets and made some mistakes but we all have; he was no exception.  He continued to tell himself that who he had become was what he really wanted and that all these sappy memories served him no practical or monetary purpose.  Although, we can see him softening while observing his younger self and the love he so carelessly tossed aside for his pursuit of money (security, success) – our Ghost of Christmas Past does a nice job of lowering his resistance to change and seeing the world from a new perspective but a trip down memory lane is generally not quite enough to create lasting change.

2.   As he was granted this unique perspective to view the world as the proverbial fly on the wall – he was able to see that these inferior and incompetent subjects possessed a compassion and caring for him, that Ebeneezer himself did not possess.  He watched with a new growing sense of awe as these inconsequential people sharing love and kindness regardless of the amount of money, intelligence or social sophistication they possessed - they just loved for the sake of loving with no strings or agendas attached.  This experience continues to open Mr. Scrooge’s mind and heart as he is forced to see the world from the Street Level without an elevated perspective of himself – he begins to feel a connection to his fellow man which lessens his own narcissism and self indulgent nature.

3.  As the ominous Ghost of Christmas Yet to Be  (aka: Fear) drags him into the ‘what could be’ continuum – something we often do to ourselves – the consequences of his life are now unfolding right before his sleepy eyes.  Future regrets of a life not-well lived; the debris of his miserly ways and an unworthy legacy of a selfish man only to be mocked or worse…forgotten.

As I consider the guidance of the Ghost’s of Past and Future – I felt that this is an area where we often go without the prompting of any spiritual persuasion.  People too often travel into their past to re-live over and over again their slights, mistakes and regrets of a time gone bye.   They dwell on earlier mistakes that they believe to be directly responsible for any of their current unhappiness, misfortune or loneliness.  As we continue to mentally and emotionally re-live these “memories” – the habitual and chronic negative patterns become further ingrained into our conscious and subconscious framework – which basically means that they grow stronger with greater impact.

At the other end of the spectrum: our Ghost’s of Future Christmas’ involve our dreaded “what-ifs”.  We allow a fearful or pessimistic projection of what our future holds – we release the concept that we ultimately control our own destinies and all negative projections of a future that will likely never be.  But fear is powerful and addicting so we continue to play this in the “what if” cycle, giving up our real power and energy which is only based in our present.

The Ghost of Christmas present is the real Hero in this tale – if we want to effect real change in our lives…the only time to create is right now.   The Past is gone and the Future is untold – our only effective use of energy is to fully focus on the moment in front of us at this very time.  Mr. Scrooge really did need to be persuaded to visit his past but only to remember who he was capable of being – he needed only to visit his potential future to be reminded that his current path was not aligned with Joy, Peace and Love – or Prosperity for that matter.  So, this is your life – this moment- do not wait until…I get that job, I get more money, I…(fill in your blank).  Imagine, as Ebeneezer did with the Ghost of Christmas yet to be, that you are staring at your own tombstone and then, magically, you are granted another day.  Well this is that day – today is your one more day – celebrate.

Let’s not wait until Christmas Eve – we need to embrace what we have and accept it as ours – own your reality, like it or not but our past thoughts, emotions and actions have lead us to where we are.  And at this moment, we are, where we are.  Your Life is happening Right now, not in the past or into the future…Life can only happen Right now.   We need to create a future vision of what we would like to become and keep that vision as clearly posted as we can because with everything that has happened and everything that we hope for – we can only live in this single moment…so cherish it and live it as if you are Ebeneezer Scrooge walking up at 8:00am on Christmas morning with the revelation that….it is not too late to live as we always hoped to live!!!

“You boy (follow coin flip) buy me the biggest Goose in all of London”… and cue Tiny Tim.

Catch Your Breath

Step One: Catch your Breath

This is easier said than done but you need to stop right here before you take another step and dive into any type of action.  Whether you have just lost your job or everyone else in your department has just been let go and you can see the writing on the wall.  Or if you are being proactive and starting a search.  It is hard to achieve any type of positive results acting within a panic mind frame.

There are several methods of catching your breath but the key here is to stop thinking, just for a few moments.  Calm the chatter in your mind and let everything be ok even just for few moments.  You need to find a balance here and take count of all the good things happening in your life – yeah, find the reasons in your life to be thankful.

This may sound idealistic and even impossible because our seemingly natural reaction to any bad news is panic, anger, depression; especially bad news that impacts us so directly and in such an obvious negative fashion.  The other end of the reaction spectrum is that everything will be just fine but that involves a little bit of a diversion from reality…if you have to pick a side, I like the latter because today’s circumstance does not necessarily have to equate to tomorrow’s reality.

I suggest that rather than react either way – just find a spot to be quiet, still.  This isn’t a game planning session or the time to create Plan B – this is a time to really accomplish two things.  Take your mind off of the immediate situation, there will be plenty of time to put together an action plan.  You also want to focus here on everything that you do have to be thankful for – anything will do here and be disciplined not to let you mind wander.  Let me give an example of what you do not want to do: OK, I am thankful for my kids, they’re healthy, happy – they have so much promise – all good and grateful thoughts but our wild conscious mind can easily take these positive thoughts into worry and even panic from being thankful for our families to, OMG, how am I going to feed them, where will we live….

In this catching your breath stage it is important to think less, analyze less and not let your mind wander – you really want to be still and quiet and focus on things that you really appreciate in your life.  This shouldn’t be hard, it is just a mindset adjustment from our typical complaining and critical thought patterns.  This should help to start building your optimism muscles and create a new thought pattern that will be of great service to you in coming days.  But for now – stop, take a deep breath, take three more.  Let some emotion flow through (again, do this in private) feel the feelings but then, let them go – don’t cling too long to any negative emotion.  Everybody has them but your new job is to let them come and go – if they seem to get stuck, just think of them as stuck on a branch or twig in a running river.  All you have to do is move that branch and let that negative thought proceed down the river, out of sight and it frees you to allow more empowering ideas to enter your mind.

 

So often, we view Optimism as the lack of any negative thought but the more you try to resist any negative ideas from entering your mind the more your engage that thought or emotion to stick around for the fight  (“What we resist, persists” Carl Jung).  If you just let it come and go – it will get on its away and clear your mind for more naturally resourceful ideas and emotions to enter into your awareness.  

Here are some simple exercises to catch you breath:

•            Literally pay attention to your breathing.  Stop and sit comfortably and only focus on your breathing.  Start by taking three deep yet comfortable breaths and focus on them, then allow your breathing to become easier and more natural.  Focus on each breath – inhaling, hold for a count of two to four (whatever is comfortable) and exhale completely.  Think about your lungs expanding and feel them emptying starting at the bottom and let all the air inside come out – then inhale comfortably.  Keeping your focus on your breathing allows your mind to quiet and settle itself.  If you find your mind drifting; just let those thoughts flow down stream and bring your mind back to your breathing.  Like anything, this will take some practice but it is the ultimate stress reliever filling your body with plenty of oxygen, creating endorphins and slowing your heart rate. (ok, maybe not the ultimate)
•           Go for a walk – this isn’t to push yourself physically but change your current state.  Use this time to quiet your mind and don’t give into the problem solving mentality, again, there will be plenty of time for that.  Silently say, Thank you, will every step you take while walking or running.  Even if you don’t feel the gratitude, just repeating Thank you will stop the negative flow of ideas streaming into your awareness and after time, your mind will wander to the things in your life that you are truly grateful for.  Trust me on this – this is a very simple way to gain some insight into what you really are thankful for because as your conscious mind focuses on those two words – you subconscious looks for ways to answer your conscious questionings.  Just try it.
•           Make a list of non-professional accomplishments that you would like to achieve and start taking action on one of these today.  Let’s face it – you’ve got some time on your hands, like it or not – and frankly, you hope to never have this opportunity again.  Start working out again,  maybe plant a garden or just start with a pot of flowers, find someone to help.  You don’t have to march down to a homeless shelter - there are ways to help everywhere.  Maybe offer your many skills to your church or any other element of your community – help an elderly person in your neighborhood (mow their lawn or shovel their driveway).  I know a lot of people are uncomfortable helping others in a direct manner – maybe it will be misconstrued or I will be viewed as soft, vulnerable…so make a game of it – find something little every day to help someone else (they might even be living in the same house) Start little, if you’d like and allow this to become addicting, it can change who you are – at your core. 

 

The goal in this stage is to alleviate a negative onslaught of thoughts and emotions because that leads our minds to a catastrophic level of thinking where loosing our job mentally leads to some awful catastrophic event (I will not offer you an examples).  Like anything, negative thoughts love to pile on, they link each other and you need to find an effective way to just halt that type of thinking; even momentarily so a new pattern of thought can begin and then develop in a more productive vein.

 

Well – that is it for my first post, I do hope it has helped you in some manner but like it or not – I am doing it again next month (or sooner).  Please feel free to share this with your network, if you think they would enjoy it.

 

My very best to you,

Kevin